I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
