dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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