oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
