Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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