you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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