i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
