New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
