I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
