Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
