the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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