There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
