Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
