I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
false alarm, still single
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
