You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
