i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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