I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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