I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you win again, gameday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
