I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
