chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
