If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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