Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
