I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
