The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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