it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
