Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize