quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't deserve a penis
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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