Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
