Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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