life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
