Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
