big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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