Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
