thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
