Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
