Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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