You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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