3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
