doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
