As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
