I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
