my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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