I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
