; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize