we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
