i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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