Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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