and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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