and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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