do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ugly people sure do ruin things
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
