hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
