Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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