it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
