East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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