i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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