THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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