Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
