What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
