I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
