if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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