that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My dick has a subreddit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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