Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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