Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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