My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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