U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
