your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
