I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
