so that wasnt chicken after all
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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