Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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