I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
