i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
