dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
