That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
