Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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