White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
