Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i've created a new STD.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
