Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
