True but thats because hes a fetus.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
