I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
