eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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