my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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