You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
