I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
