Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
