Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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