I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize