you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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