HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just forgot I was standing up.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
