I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize