so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
