I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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