How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
