I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
