you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
