well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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