You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A bitchslap is in order.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
