woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize