i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
