But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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