I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
