fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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