You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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