First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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