Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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