I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
