Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize